On the face of it, I had it all.

As a single mother at 26 I’d built up a multi-six-figure business from nothing – winning awards and plaudits in equal measure.

By the age of 30 I was generating millions of pounds when I gave birth to my second child – but in a moment I did not see coming, everything came crashing down around me: I stood on the side of a mountain, needing solace from everyone, and finally understood the cost of the path that had got me here.

Fast forward a few years and I’m now running three businesses, with a combined turnover of more than £1m collectively – and I’m about to have my third child – but this time it’s different.

I’m managing 30 staff across the country but here’s the thing – I’m the calmest I’ve ever been because I’ve learnt a different way after studying neuroscience, hypnotherapy, spiritual practice and so much more, to try and understand the impact of trauma, and how it affects our nervous system.

If I was offering advice to my younger self I would say: ‘Don’t work 14-hour days, trying to hold it all together whilst slowly destroying myself.’

That’s why I’m determined this time will be different and I want to help other people make the same mistakes that I did through my coaching business.

I’ve lived through many layers of personal traumas, from an unstable upbringing with an alcoholic father, to abusive relationships, both emotionally and physically.

Following my breakdown I hyper-focused on studying across multiple disciplines of neuroscience, hypnotherapy, spiritual practice and so much more to try and understand the impact of trauma, and how it affects our nervous system.

This is what I’d share with her younger self – at different points in the journey.

Before you start this business – heal

You’re about to build something incredible, but you are also about to build it on foundations that are cracked.

Business will push you further than you can imagine. It doesn’t just test your skills. It tests your identity, your capacity, your relationships, your survival instincts. It will shine a huge light on every unresolved trauma you are carrying.

The pressure will amplify the parts of you that are driven by fear- fear of not being enough; fear of losing everything; fear of being seen.

If you don’t turn towards those parts now – you will be forced to later, and when that moment comes, it won’t feel like growth, it will feel like total body and mind collapse.

Success built on survival is not sustainable success, so heal first, or healing will happen through crisis.

Stop proving. Start building

You think you are building a business but really, you are trying to prove your worth.

You are chasing validation, chasing security, chasing the feeling of finally being safe.

So you will overwork, over-give, over-achieve, and people will praise you for it. They will call you driven; resilient; inspiring, but they will not see the cost, nor will they care.

The exhaustion, loneliness and constant pressure is only yours to hold but you do not need to prove you are capable, because you already are.

Build from belief – not from fear

Boundaries are not selfish. They are non-negotiable.

You will try to be everything to everyone. Clients, staff, family, friends.

You will say ‘yes’ when your body is screaming ‘no’ and will stay available when you desperately need space.

And you will call this commitment, ambition, drive, but what you are actually doing is abandoning yourself, losing yourself.

A business without boundaries becomes chaos. A leader without boundaries becomes resentful, miserable and will lose all power.

Your capacity is not infinite and pretending it is will nearly break you. Protect your energy like you protect your income. Both are business assets.

You cannot outrun your nervous system

You will believe you won’t suffer burnout but you will. You’ll try and push your way through exhaustion, but you can’t.

Your body will always have the final say.

When you ignore the signals – the anxiety, the tension, the inability to switch off – they do not disappear they build and they build, until one day you physically and mentally cannot continue.

That breakdown on the mountain will feel like failure but it will actually be the turning point that saves your life. Learn to regulate. Learn to rest. Learn that slowing down is not falling behind. It is how you build longevity.

Success means nothing if you lose yourself. You will hit milestones you once dreamed of.

Financial freedom, recognition, growth, but you will realise, it isn’t worth it because you built a life that looks successful but feels empty.

You will have sacrificed time with your children, moments you cannot get back, versions of yourself you didn’t look after.

Second time round is different

The second time around, you will do it differently.

You will build with intention, lead with clarity and finally understand that real success is not just what you create but it is how you experience the life you are creating.

If I could go back, I wouldn’t tell myself not to start. I would tell myself to start in a different way.
With self-awareness, real support and with courage to face what I was running from.

  • Megan Stachini works with successful leaders and entrepreneurs who are thriving on the outside and running on empty within.